I Can See Clearly Now

Sandra Bullock said when she met her baby for the first time the song What a Wonderful World popped in her head. I had never experienced this until yesterday. Sure I've had the opposite happen. Heard a song and had a memory pop in my head. In fact Cannon in D does this to me with my husband. His face as I was walking down the aisle on our wedding day flashes and I instantly feel happy and safe. For the first time yesterday I had I had "I Can See Clearly Now" pop in my head as I was thinking about my medical appointments from yesterday in the shower this morning.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone

All of the bad feelings have disappeared

Here is the rainbow I've been prayin for

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there's nothin but blue skies

Look straight ahead, nothin but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day.

~ Johnny Nash

I "graduated" out of therapy yesterday. For 3 visits in a row I didn't cry. I felt happy. I could talk about my circumstance without grief and with a confidence I had forgotten I possess. In short, I felt like myself again. Sure a new version of myself one who will no longer be walked all over. One who no longer bottles it all in. One who learned to set boundaries and one who has an entirely new view of the world.



I had a roommate in college who hated this song. Mainly, because the Chicago radio stations always play it while it is raining. (As if the imagery could make us forget the torrential rains we get or the snarling of traffic.) But I've always had a soft spot for it. Why not look forward to the times when there are Sun-shiny Days? And Blue Skies? In my family this is actually an adjective. Blue Skying is dreaming of the impossible or improbable. And the lyrics describe my current - dark clouds no-longer obstructing - view. My pain is gone and my bad feelings have disappeared.



I also saw my specialist yesterday and she prescribed Methotrexate which is essentially "baby chemo". And I'm already experiencing the nausea. And while this might be an obstacle in my way I think I can make it now. At least long enough to get healthy.



Rainbows have always been a sign for me of good things to come. So when I got in my car this morning and the song came on I took it as a sign especially since I was looking straight ahead, nothin but blue skies. It was the rainbow I'd been prayin for.