Its been rough around here. Mainly because our life is crazy due to the foster care system. I'm becoming increasing frustrated with the way the court system works and I find myself feeling like I'm not being heard. Like at all..EVER. I spent quite a bit of time in therapy trying to figure out how to get my voice heard and now I'm in a system where NO ONE has to listen.
I'm tired. I'm not sleeping well. I feel lonely. And even though I just want to crawl up in a ball I have to pull it together and be the Mom. I'm thinking about calling my therapist but she's the Volunteer of the Year at my kid's school. seriously she has a parking space and everything.I know that she would keep everything confidential but I'm just not sure how I feel about running into her outside the office. Then agian the thought of explaining everything to someone new seems worse.
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Today sadness crept in and settled right back on my heart. My co-worker’s father passed over the weekend after a brief battle with pancreatic cancer. I walked into the office this morning and quietly went to my desk as I watched her and my Mom hug. It was a hug of understanding the same as the other person. In this case the loss of a parent. I wanted to give them the privacy they needed. I also couldn’t watch.
I have my moments of sadness and tears alone, usually on the way home from work when I have 30 minutes to myself in the car. This was the case yesterday after I called my Grandpa to wish him a Happy Valentine’s Day. So sad for him that his love of 53 years was not there. Trying to remember if last year I called my Grandma. Missing her immensely as she would have loved having the kids around. But as I picture this I picture her before she got sick when she looked like herself.
Then shortly after I got to my desk and settled in I found out my favorite patient had passed. He was battling bladder cancer and over the past year I’ve watched as he had his bladder removed and struggled with chemo and pain. He was a sweet man who was always nice to the staff. He always had a few minutes of his time that turned out to be so limited. During one particularly good week he came in all smiles with a bottle of wine for me. It brought tears to my eyes. Here was this incredibly sick man who somehow had the time to not only think of me but go out of his way to let me know that he appreciated me. Perhaps part of me hoped he would make it through what my Grandma couldn’t. That perhaps cancer wouldn’t rob another family of their grandparent too soon. But it did. And I sat at my desk and cried.
I have my moments of sadness and tears alone, usually on the way home from work when I have 30 minutes to myself in the car. This was the case yesterday after I called my Grandpa to wish him a Happy Valentine’s Day. So sad for him that his love of 53 years was not there. Trying to remember if last year I called my Grandma. Missing her immensely as she would have loved having the kids around. But as I picture this I picture her before she got sick when she looked like herself.
Then shortly after I got to my desk and settled in I found out my favorite patient had passed. He was battling bladder cancer and over the past year I’ve watched as he had his bladder removed and struggled with chemo and pain. He was a sweet man who was always nice to the staff. He always had a few minutes of his time that turned out to be so limited. During one particularly good week he came in all smiles with a bottle of wine for me. It brought tears to my eyes. Here was this incredibly sick man who somehow had the time to not only think of me but go out of his way to let me know that he appreciated me. Perhaps part of me hoped he would make it through what my Grandma couldn’t. That perhaps cancer wouldn’t rob another family of their grandparent too soon. But it did. And I sat at my desk and cried.
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