I had a wonderful Labor Day weekend. We had beautiful weather. My idea of PERFECT infact. I had a slight set back on Sunday as I a) skipped the sunblock on my body prior to the baseball game b)forgot that the Methotrexate makes me even MORE sensative to the sun. I'm pretty pasty to begin with so my skin tone is currently "lobster".
I was able to spend Monday with my Mom which was really nice. (We work together so I see her everyday but Monday was all about hanging out and not work.) We hit the big craft fair which turned out to be a pretty emotional morning for me!?!?!
The first thing that had us crying was the generosity of a complete stranger. We had wondered over to this booth that had the "This Hat Looks Good On Everyone" Hat. Priced $40 they were really soft and several different styles and colors and versitile. The lady came over to help us and we had said - My Grandma is going through chemo. She's going to loose her hair. So after a few minutes we settled on one. When Mom went to pay she handed her the bag and said, "this is for Grandma...No charge." Instantly we started to cry. I couldn't believe this woman just handed over her handiwork to a complete stranger. She had no idea what an impact that gesture could have to a family so blindsided by illness.
A little later I heard my high school band marching down the parade route playing the song we played in Disney World at Epcot. "Late in the Evening" by Paul Simon. I got goose bumps. Then my Mother started crying. She has a great memory of us coming around the corner at Epcot playing this song and its so important that we played it at our reception to announce the wedding party. Seriously we have to be the only two people in history to cry at a craft fair.
As we were leaving a group of the Miss Septemberfest contestants walked by and one of them was a previous Youth Minister of mine. I started this blog after I had parted ways with my job as Youth Ministry Coordinator of my childhood Parish but these teens were a huge part of my life and I miss them a great deal. She looked lovely in her red gown and as I called out to her she came running back towards me. She gave me a big hug and said "I miss you". It warmed my heart. She then asked me how I was doing healthwise and I said "good.. everythings pretty good".
The answer suprised me. If you had been living inside my head you would understand how incredibly far I've come. No longer do I have the urge to educate EVERYONE on neurosarcoid or make them understand why I was feeling like a basketcase. I've accepted the fact that I have an illness but I've been able to stop thinking of my life in terms of before and after I became sick. And i've veen stopped labeling myself as sick. I was capable of a normal answer. And I didn't feel like I was lying. Its true I am good. I've got a way to control my pain. Doctors working on a solution and a sense of control about everything that a year ago I wasn't capable of. And the insight to recognize this truely makes me feel like I've won something. But even more I knew and believed that this young, beautiful spirit in front of me really meant that she missed me. The confidence I had lost has been restored and I was able to feel the concern in her voice. I promised her coffee and she said she'd like that. :) And then I felt old ....
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