Musings

I heard the song "Isn't Ironic" today. First, let me say while I hate the song I have to admit I owned the CD back in the day. But it made me think about all the people who get bent out of shape that not every scenario being sung about is in fact Ironic.

Irony is not lost on me. I'm living and breathing irony and I think if tomorrow I sat down to write my book the first sentence would begin "The irony is not lost on me. The very thing that diagnosed me was also my cure."

When I got sick the first thing Dr. G did was schedule a lumbar puncture or spinal tap. When I saw Dr. S in Maryland he whipped out a safety pin and began poking me every which way. And when everyone put those results together I was given my diagnosis of a fairly rare and painful condition. Fast forward six months and in the office next to mine driving the car parked next to or one space over from me or my Mom was Dr. A with his needles ready to give my life back. The answer was there the whole time. I've learned through this process though that I needed to walk through it to appreciate and understand and to get to a point where I could accept that the answer was there. That common practices for me just weren't going to work. That I needed to be OPEN to new and different and that I actually prefer living this way. Life is a lot easier when you let go of some of those judgements about everything. Its also helpful to learn to tell people how you feel, set boundaries, and redefine your expectations of others as well as of yourself.

Being in acupuncture 2-3 times a week I have some quality time alone with my thoughts. I often think of writing my book and what a dedication page might look like. I imagine it would go something like this:

During this journey I have met such wonderful people and feel blessed to know that they are on my side. First to the people and teens of St. Matthew who prayed for me thank you for all the hard work! Daily I return the favor. Secondly, to the friends and family who stuck with me during my successes and my pitfalls. I know I was not always easy to love but thank you just the same. I love you back.

To Team Torres: The doctors and professionals that gave me information, hope, treatment, and health I am forever in your debt. To Dr. K for planting the idea in my head that I might have something more serious going on. Dr. G for being my all around champion, sticking to your guns and making sure the follow through happened. To Dr. BS for poking me with a pin and allowing me to cry in your office so that I could get the right diagnosis and to Dr. S for being the quarterback of it all. You were open to all ideas and provided me the right balance of comfort and doctoring. To Meg for teaching me how to dust myself off and to Jolene for teaching me how to call the plays correctly. Last but not least Dr. A who gave me my second wind thank you for putting me back in the game.

And the biggest Thank you to my husband who witnessed the entire journey and had to live it with me. Sometimes the best thing to say is the simplest. I love you. Always have. Always will.