It's Back

So a few weeks ago I landed in the ER with chest pain. My heart is fine. My Sarcoidosis blood work- not so much. The doctor thinks its a combination of muscle pain/inflammation and acid reflux. 

I have a new primary care doctor. He of course wants me to be followed by a specialist and so begins the -oligist roller coaster. My rheumatologist is running a Sarcoidosis Clinic at the University of Illinois Hospital in Chicago. So I have an appointment scheduled with her and an appointment with the neurologist. 

I'm hoping that this bout will resolve without meds. I really, really don't want to get on that ride.

Annual Update?

I was surprised to see that I still have people popping by. I'm fairly active at my other blog and I've considered taking this one down. For now I will leave in place.

I still haven't been back to the neurologist so I probably need to do that. I've not had any obvious symptoms so I guess I haven't felt the need. I was a little busy with work, helping my foster kids testify against a foster family that abused them and returning them home to their biological mother.

Oh and I decided to find a new job. I start in August. Someone asked me how I managed to get my new job so quickly and my reply was simple. I deserved a win this year.

So after some pretty rocky road things are starting to smooth out.

I have no idea what will come next!

It has been a while...

The problem with a blog about illness is that when the illness isn't causing havoc there isn't much to write about.  The doctor never got to the bottom of the dizzy spells. Could be Sarcoid could be migraine. We ruled out something artery related and I haven't had any more spells since. My neurologist did leave the practice so I will be getting a new one. She referred me to the other doc in the practice that "loves unusal and hard to treat cases". I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks doc.

The stress of my life has increased but my blues seemed to have disappeared.  My new internal medicine doc had given me a script for an antidepressant but I never ended up taking it. Now I feel I don't need it.  Maybe I'm finding better ways to cope. Life as a Mom has certainly taught me to let go of the little things and this has helped me. Especially, since the kids I am Mom to have such bigger issues than my chronic illness. I can't really throw myself a pity party because my head hurts when my children have suffered years of trauma and abuse.

I'm going ot make an effort to get here and blog more often about me. Let me know if you are still out there reading. :) If you are I hope you are well.

Dizzy! My head is Spinning.

No really. For like 4 days. And continued even after I threw up from the worst migraine of my life.

So the neurologist ordered an MRI. Stable to improved. But when I met with Dr. G today her statement was: well is YOU so we need to check further. Thanks. So I am now scheduled for an MRA. Same machine so the claustrophobia will be fun.

Depending on the results and blood work she may want to repeat the spinal tap. she doesn't think this is the flue or an ear infection or plain old vertigo. Oh how lovely it would be to have a run of the mill diagnosis.

2 weeks

2 weeks to get the prior authorization on the happy pills. The weather has been so nice I'm feeling a little more like myself.  I'm wondering if perhaps I have some sort of seasonal depression. 

I recapped my illness this week for teh first time in a long time.  It was kind of amazing to hear myself say that I've learned to live with Neurosarcoid.  Maybe because I've come to appreciate the things in my life that grew out of me being sick.  Crazy, I know!

Happy Pills

In the craziness that is life with 4 children, a husband, a full time job and trying to conquer the world (or at least my corner of it) I began to feel out of sorts. Its not that I'm angry about anything in particular or sad for a specific reason but the stress of having life be so uncertain and up and down finally took it's toll on my brain chemistry. My anxiety level started to rise and then stay there. And I couldn't shake the emotions of feeling out of control and helpless. Frustrated at simple tasks.

The thing is I've been here before. And didn't realize it. For like 2 years.  I'm really good at keeping it together on the outside while I fall apart on the inside. And now I have other people counting on me to keep it together, period. I can't do that from the bottom of the pit that is depression. Its hard for a lot of people to discuss depression. Its taboo. It implies a weakness.  Its misunderstood. But its very much apart of our culture.  It runs in families. It comes with stress and illness. It can effect relationships. It can hinder you in every way. It can cause ailments and pain and it comes in all different sizes.  And I have enough to deal with - I don't need depression to come in and steal more.

So I made the decision to start an anti-depressant again.  I've been on it before and it worked for me previously.  The upside is that it may also help with my pain.  And I've left a message for my therapist to get on her schedule. New stresses mean a need for new coping skills and challenges to understand.

I'm feeling good.

Like most people I took the new year to set some new goals. One of them is becoming healthier and lighter. I jumped back on Weight Watchers and have been going at it for a solid month.

For the last ten years I have gained and lost the same 40 pounds. It makes me tired to think of the energy involved in gaining and shedding that much weight. Being on and off medications and my emotional connect to food have not helped.

I think I finally hit that place where I'm tired of feeling this way and I'm committed to doing something about it. Not because I have to for an event or trip but because I WANT to be healthy.

So here is the big Rhi-Storing announcement. I am going to shed 40 pounds by Memorial Day. Here is the best part: I've already lost 11!

We have a vacation planned to Disney World and I want to be able to look at our pictures and not feel terrible about who I see. I want to be able to walk all day without my body giving up on me. And I definitely want to be able to ride all the rides comfortably.

So I've started ordering Pea Pod grocery delivery to make better choices about what I'm buying. It also means I'm not tempted to throw stuff in the cart we don't need. I'm getting fresh lettuce and lean meats delivered weekly so I'm not throwing food out and we aren't eating out.

Even my kids have gotten bit by the be healthy bug requesting chicken fiesta salad for dinner tomorrow.

So 40 is my short term goal. My long term goal? 75 by September. Wish me dedication!

Do you have a New Years health goal? Leave in the comments so I can cheer you on!