Happy Pills

In the craziness that is life with 4 children, a husband, a full time job and trying to conquer the world (or at least my corner of it) I began to feel out of sorts. Its not that I'm angry about anything in particular or sad for a specific reason but the stress of having life be so uncertain and up and down finally took it's toll on my brain chemistry. My anxiety level started to rise and then stay there. And I couldn't shake the emotions of feeling out of control and helpless. Frustrated at simple tasks.

The thing is I've been here before. And didn't realize it. For like 2 years.  I'm really good at keeping it together on the outside while I fall apart on the inside. And now I have other people counting on me to keep it together, period. I can't do that from the bottom of the pit that is depression. Its hard for a lot of people to discuss depression. Its taboo. It implies a weakness.  Its misunderstood. But its very much apart of our culture.  It runs in families. It comes with stress and illness. It can effect relationships. It can hinder you in every way. It can cause ailments and pain and it comes in all different sizes.  And I have enough to deal with - I don't need depression to come in and steal more.

So I made the decision to start an anti-depressant again.  I've been on it before and it worked for me previously.  The upside is that it may also help with my pain.  And I've left a message for my therapist to get on her schedule. New stresses mean a need for new coping skills and challenges to understand.

New Year, New stomach issues - may be TMI

Another first of the year Emergency Room visit and trip to the gastro doc.

So about two weeks ago I spent 6 hours in the emergency room. Within 30 minutes they had given me something for severe abdominal pain but then I spent the next 5 hours pukeing my guts out. Nothing came back in blood work and it was felt no surgery was needed since I have monappendix or gall bladder.

Then new years eve rolled around and during my brother's Anniversary/wedding party I started having the pain, experiencing nausea and dizziness and generally feeling crappy. I made it to 9:30 am and then decided to go back to the ER. My Mom was able to take the kids and I drove myself which was interesting. After 4 hours, bloodwork, an xray, and a CT scan and 7 trips to the bathroom due to the diarrhea I was experiencing (which why would you put me down the hall and around the corner from the bathroom I'm not sure. At least the nurse got smart and unhooked me from the machines) the doctor told me I was completely normal with no findings whatsoever. Umm sorry doc but grabbing pain every 5-10 minutes is not normal. And the shot you put in my arm that burnt like the fire I started in the microwave last week did squat to help. His answer- could be a virus. Here is some morphine for the pain. Hopefully it won't make you puke.

Ok I'm being snarky. He was very nice. But it was still frustrating. He even called two days later to check on me. And he did send me home with a script of pain med which I will squirrel away for bad head pain days.

So I called the GI doc who I now see more regularly than my OBGYN. She told me it was bowel spasms which can cause pain, nausea, diarrhea and come and go. Probiotics, fiber supplement, and the pill form of the fire shot I got at the hospital except alternate days as this will make you constipated.

6 days later my stomach is still jacked up but we'll get there. Cause of all this? Stress. Interestingly this pain seems to hav replaced the anxiety I've been feeling for the last month. Should make this year VERY interesting.