In the craziness that is life with 4 children, a husband, a full time job and trying to conquer the world (or at least my corner of it)
I began to feel out of sorts. Its not that I'm angry about anything in particular or sad for a specific reason but the stress of having life be so uncertain and up and down finally took it's toll on my brain chemistry. My anxiety level started to rise and then stay there. And I couldn't shake the emotions of feeling out of control and helpless. Frustrated at simple tasks.
The thing is I've been here before. And didn't realize it. For like 2 years. I'm really good at keeping it together on the outside while I fall apart on the inside. And now I have other people counting on me to keep it together, period. I can't do that from the bottom of the pit that is depression. Its hard for a lot of people to discuss depression. Its taboo. It implies a weakness. Its misunderstood. But its very much apart of our culture. It runs in families. It comes with stress and illness. It can effect relationships. It can hinder you in every way. It can cause ailments and pain and it comes in all different sizes. And I have enough to deal with - I don't need depression to come in and steal more.
So I made the decision to start an anti-depressant again. I've been on it before and it worked for me previously. The upside is that it may also help with my pain. And I've left a message for my therapist to get on her schedule. New stresses mean a need for new coping skills and challenges to understand.
