So I went for the results of my MRI. My lesion is still there. They hospital had the "head brain guy" as my doctor put it look at my scan because of course I have a very complex case. My neurologist told me that everyone who looks at my scan has a different opinion. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm glad that she takes it to others for opinions but it's a little scary that no one doctor sees my case the same way. I'm not sure how effect all the treatment was as it appears my findings were "stable". So did I just find a way to deal with the pain? Did I just get used to this new normal?
My doctor spent a lot of time talking to me about my new life as a foster Mom to 4 kids. She said I Seemed lime I was in a much better place. I remember the first visit I had after my spinal tap I just sobbed in her office because I was so scared. Scared that all of my dreams and plans were going to disappear. Scared I would never feel better. Scared that I would be blind or paralized. Declining prescription pain releivers for fear of becoming dependent on them.
She said to me that she wished more patients would handle sickness like me. That I'm one of the few headache patients with an abnormal MRI and despite that I'm living a full life. My response is simple now. Once I got past the depression I was lead down this path to a place where I get the privilege of loving these amazing kids and making a difference in their lives. Simply because I got sick.
We had a holiday party for work on Friday. I actually put my contacts in and makeup on. (My eyes don't do well this time of year anymore.) and a coworker said it was unnerving for him to see me without my glasses! How odd I thought before all of this it would have been the opposite statement about seeing me in glasses. That's ok. I'm fine being the Mom with glasses. Two years ago I wasn't sure I would live past now.
