Oh how I HATE the Rhi-minder

I had my way overdue MRI today. And man does it make me crabby to be reminded I have a disease that can't be cured. Sure I'm living with it now instead of suffering from it but it was so nice to shut it out and not think about doctors appointments or insurance Pre-certs. It's been easier to forget that I'm sick since I no longer work for a doctors office.

As I walked into the medical center today I had a lot weighing on my mind. The tiny tube I was going to be pushed into. The upcoming anniversary of my grandmas passing. How my kids were doing. And I was so amped up and the anti anxiety medication was doing nothing. The tech didn make me gown up. I got to keep my jeans and sweater, socks and shoes on. The plugged my iPhone into the headset and started to slide me back into position. At which point I freaked out a bit. It took me three tries to get all the way into position. And the tech talked to me after each test. And I seemed to be ok.

After the test was done (random though: hey this pulsing ofthe magnet would be a great dance beat) I got up And felt incredibly sad. I should have felt fantastic after the drugs but I felt worry and sadness. On my way back to my car I saw the signs for the chapel so I walked that direction. When I opened the doors to the space I felt quiet. I sat down and began to pray and offer up my burdens. I'm not sure when the tears began but they steadily rolled down my face. And then I felt relief. Admitting that I'm feeling overwhelmed and sad was so healing. I walked out 50 pounds lighter.

And now the drowsey has kicked in. Goodnight my blight friends.

As Time Goes On

My husband and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary this weekend. I can't believe how much time in our lives has passed by. We've endured the proverbial sickness and health. For richer and poorer and have accepted children lovingly from God. (Well kind of...I feel God called us to be their parents at least for now.) My phrase of the week in my planner said there are years in which you teach and years in which you learn. This is a learning year. I've learned how much I love my husband. I've learned how much he supports me and I support him. We've learned how to be a great team. This is certainly not how I pictured year 5 when I walked down the aisle. But I wouldn't change who I have by my side.

Do I wish illness hadn't come in and robbed me of tons of time? Sure. But I'm also grateful as I am a better me. That's right BETTER. I'm more empathetic and understanding. I have became part of an interesting family. I have met some wonderful people and helped raise money for a cure. I have worked hard in therapy to understand who I want to be and how to get it. I have repaired relationships and I have become prepared to parent 4 very special children. I don't know what year 5 would have looked like if none of this happened but I refuse to play the what if game. It is what it is. And it's pretty good right now.